Yesterday. as I took my lovely doggie for a walk, I was preparing my mind to do a knot tying ceremony to release some of the anxieties I felt earlier that day. My dog made me aware of a raccoon that was sitting by a pool of water in the bush and I observed him. He didn't look very healthy, looked rather sick and weak. I calmly tied my dog to a tree and sat 5 feet from the raccoon that was now laying down. I must have spent about 10 minutes or so talking with this raccoon about life, about his life. I felt extremely humbled in this moment. I told him he wasn't alone and I sent a prayer out to the universe for him. He got up and started to walk closer to me, as he struggled to breathe. I got up and asked him to follow me, and he did. I wished him well as he made his way to a small stream that connected to a creek that runs through our city (and below).
I continued on my walk with my doggie and as I made my way back, I had now noticed the raccoon was laying between the stumps of two coppice tree by the smaller stream. I told him that if I were in his shoes, I would want to be exactly where he was resting, listening to the sound of the flowing water as he prepared to make his way into his next life.
It's funny how life throws moments like these.
Peace and Love
Andrea
Monday, April 15, 2013
Wednesday, April 10, 2013
Act of Kindness And An Act of Kindness Pt. 2
A few posts back, I talked about a gentle man that offered me a few homemade gifts and a blank canvas one night I played guitar to raise money for a foundation close to my heart. I took time to paint the canvas he has given me that night. Here's a painting below:
Today, I had the day off and I geared up with my guitar and smile and head downtown and played guitar (busked, as I call it...) in front of where an old record store used to be that has recently relocated to another area. I ran into the kind man and gave him a painting I did a few months ago, called Tent for Two.... Act of Kindness, the art that keeps giving :)
This is Tent for Two..
Today, I had the day off and I geared up with my guitar and smile and head downtown and played guitar (busked, as I call it...) in front of where an old record store used to be that has recently relocated to another area. I ran into the kind man and gave him a painting I did a few months ago, called Tent for Two.... Act of Kindness, the art that keeps giving :)
This is Tent for Two..
Hope you all have a wonderful day and enjoy the New Moon!
Love and Life
Andrea
Monday, April 8, 2013
Building A Better Futures Within Our Communities
I recently found a bookmark that I would love to share with you. It has thoughts and ideas on how to build better communities. I will also share some of my own thoughts as to what we can further do to create some of the positive changes. They are great ideas I've thought of, or have tried and the results proved successful.
1. Turn of TV
- cut down on the amount of negative feedback you receive by what is being played on TV.
- you get to save on your electrical bill
- enjoy the outdoors and fresh air
2. Know your neighbors
- Be kind and understand that everyone comes from a different background, or has a story that can break your heart.
3. Look up where you are walking
- Don't get yourself into a sticky situation going down that dark alleyway, alone
4. Greet people
- Be kind, say good day; you may increase the positivity in their lives by just smiling. I feel in larger cities, you don't see this happen often, people are way too consumed with where they're going and look at you like an alien when you smile at them and say good day...All the more reason to greet them.
5. Plant flowers
- Let's face it, flowers are beautiful, they smell pretty and they also offer oxygen which is essential to our survival.
6. Recycle
- Very important in today's world where the demand for products have increased. It helps cutting costs by reusing ziplock bags, using styrofoam as artists' palettes, etc...
7. Bake extra and share
- I'm a sucker for this one, I love baking/cooking so I always have extra.
8. Use your library
- Instead of using internet sources, electrical power, read read read!
9. Play together
- Road hockey, sports, non competitiveness, enjoy the people you are with and not so much winning the match.
10. Buy from local merchants
- Help support your city and the community by buying from local meat markets, fruit/veggie stands. Inquire with the merchants on how they grow their veggies. Know what is in your food. With today's larger markets, we fail to notice that half of what we eat has been genetically modified and making us sick.
11. Share what you have
- Lets face it, we don't have a trailer hitch tied to our coffins when we pass onto our next lives. Share what you have. Donate clothes, shoes, articles to causes that help support people that are less fortunate.
12. Pick up litter
- Oh, I can write a book on this subject... It is our responsibility as consumers to pick up litter. Please don't wait for someone else to clean up our communities.. Create street cleanups with your neighbors, recycle, take care of our mother Earth. I did 6 hrs/week of garbage cleanup on my own time last year and worked as well. No excuse people.
13. Garden together
- Creating community based gardens in every ward, asking your city councel to create these projects to instill a sense of togetherness, and community and sharing the yield at harvest time. Remember, more oxygen, healthier people
14. Compost
- Create composts, research on how to create a great composting system. This is the best way to create amazing gardens for the years to come!
15. Take children to the park
- I see how there has been an increase on the amount of children with TV's, Playstation units, computers in their rooms and homes. Share time together, take your children out of the electrical environment and spend some quality time with them. This creates a stronger bond and improves their lives.
16. Listen to the birds
- I think everyone can agree that they love to bird-watch. Take time in the morning and listen to the sound of the birds.
17. Fix it even if you didn't break it
- Problem solving will help increase brain productivity and imagination. You feel a sense of accomplishment when you fix something.
18. Take action to create positive change in your community
- Take part in local organizations, volunteer. I love playing guitar downtown to bring music back to the community.
19. Honor elders
- I love sitting with elders and hearing their stories of the past of our cities and how things were when they were teenagers through their thoughts. It helps create a mental image where you can improve your community today.
20. Have potlucks
- I am a sucker for having potluck music playing sessions. Everyone brings a snack and we get to enjoy great food together and great music
21.Start a tradition
- This summer, I will be starting my own tradition with others of like mind, playing hand drums around many of our surrounding lakes. What traditions can improve your community?
22. Know your political representative
- Very important to ensure that the promises are kept and to ensure that things improve within the community. Offer suggestions
23. Seek to understand
- Understanding how things got to where they are today, with open eyes, and seek ways to improve them.
Lots of love,
Andrea
1. Turn of TV
- cut down on the amount of negative feedback you receive by what is being played on TV.
- you get to save on your electrical bill
- enjoy the outdoors and fresh air
2. Know your neighbors
- Be kind and understand that everyone comes from a different background, or has a story that can break your heart.
3. Look up where you are walking
- Don't get yourself into a sticky situation going down that dark alleyway, alone
4. Greet people
- Be kind, say good day; you may increase the positivity in their lives by just smiling. I feel in larger cities, you don't see this happen often, people are way too consumed with where they're going and look at you like an alien when you smile at them and say good day...All the more reason to greet them.
5. Plant flowers
- Let's face it, flowers are beautiful, they smell pretty and they also offer oxygen which is essential to our survival.
6. Recycle
- Very important in today's world where the demand for products have increased. It helps cutting costs by reusing ziplock bags, using styrofoam as artists' palettes, etc...
7. Bake extra and share
- I'm a sucker for this one, I love baking/cooking so I always have extra.
8. Use your library
- Instead of using internet sources, electrical power, read read read!
9. Play together
- Road hockey, sports, non competitiveness, enjoy the people you are with and not so much winning the match.
10. Buy from local merchants
- Help support your city and the community by buying from local meat markets, fruit/veggie stands. Inquire with the merchants on how they grow their veggies. Know what is in your food. With today's larger markets, we fail to notice that half of what we eat has been genetically modified and making us sick.
11. Share what you have
- Lets face it, we don't have a trailer hitch tied to our coffins when we pass onto our next lives. Share what you have. Donate clothes, shoes, articles to causes that help support people that are less fortunate.
12. Pick up litter
- Oh, I can write a book on this subject... It is our responsibility as consumers to pick up litter. Please don't wait for someone else to clean up our communities.. Create street cleanups with your neighbors, recycle, take care of our mother Earth. I did 6 hrs/week of garbage cleanup on my own time last year and worked as well. No excuse people.
13. Garden together
- Creating community based gardens in every ward, asking your city councel to create these projects to instill a sense of togetherness, and community and sharing the yield at harvest time. Remember, more oxygen, healthier people
14. Compost
- Create composts, research on how to create a great composting system. This is the best way to create amazing gardens for the years to come!
15. Take children to the park
- I see how there has been an increase on the amount of children with TV's, Playstation units, computers in their rooms and homes. Share time together, take your children out of the electrical environment and spend some quality time with them. This creates a stronger bond and improves their lives.
16. Listen to the birds
- I think everyone can agree that they love to bird-watch. Take time in the morning and listen to the sound of the birds.
17. Fix it even if you didn't break it
- Problem solving will help increase brain productivity and imagination. You feel a sense of accomplishment when you fix something.
18. Take action to create positive change in your community
- Take part in local organizations, volunteer. I love playing guitar downtown to bring music back to the community.
19. Honor elders
- I love sitting with elders and hearing their stories of the past of our cities and how things were when they were teenagers through their thoughts. It helps create a mental image where you can improve your community today.
20. Have potlucks
- I am a sucker for having potluck music playing sessions. Everyone brings a snack and we get to enjoy great food together and great music
21.Start a tradition
- This summer, I will be starting my own tradition with others of like mind, playing hand drums around many of our surrounding lakes. What traditions can improve your community?
22. Know your political representative
- Very important to ensure that the promises are kept and to ensure that things improve within the community. Offer suggestions
23. Seek to understand
- Understanding how things got to where they are today, with open eyes, and seek ways to improve them.
Lots of love,
Andrea
Saturday, April 6, 2013
Act of Kindness And An Act of Kindness
I've been playing guitar on the streets trying to raise money for a trip across country and continent. Half the proceeds raised will be going towards the Make Yourself Foundation (About the Make Yourself Foundation)
Tonight, despite the cold northern Ontario weather, I geared up and went downtown to play some music. I love interacting with the random people that I meet and so grateful all the while for all the support and donations. The best donations are homemade gifts. Tonight, a wonderful Metis man gave me two candles he had made, along with an empty canvas to paint upon as well as shared some of his poetry, a poem called Two or Tree. I was touched by these gifts. Next time I see this gentle man, I will have a painted canvas that he can enjoy with the gift me gave me in the first place!
I sang a special song for a young man that was struggling in his life and as I was singing and playing, I can see he was writing something down on a notepad. He tearfully handed me the paper afterwards. I didn't read it then, but as soon as I got home, I was completely moved by his words. I will always keep that note.
I didn't make much money but the memories will remain! It's beautiful sharing some music with people and to hear their life stories and talk about hope for a better future! So grateful for tonight's conversations and smiles.
Love and Light!!
Tonight, despite the cold northern Ontario weather, I geared up and went downtown to play some music. I love interacting with the random people that I meet and so grateful all the while for all the support and donations. The best donations are homemade gifts. Tonight, a wonderful Metis man gave me two candles he had made, along with an empty canvas to paint upon as well as shared some of his poetry, a poem called Two or Tree. I was touched by these gifts. Next time I see this gentle man, I will have a painted canvas that he can enjoy with the gift me gave me in the first place!
I sang a special song for a young man that was struggling in his life and as I was singing and playing, I can see he was writing something down on a notepad. He tearfully handed me the paper afterwards. I didn't read it then, but as soon as I got home, I was completely moved by his words. I will always keep that note.
I didn't make much money but the memories will remain! It's beautiful sharing some music with people and to hear their life stories and talk about hope for a better future! So grateful for tonight's conversations and smiles.
Love and Light!!
Thursday, April 4, 2013
Dreams And Synchronistic Events
I recently had a wonderful dream where I had two individually wrapped feathers in cellophane, and I was taking them out of their packaging. This was the most significant part of the dream. Both feathers seemed slender and dark in color, but beautiful.
Today, as I made my way through the mall, I found myself in a shop that I had bought a Tibetan Singing Bowl, in search of a cute skirt. As I made my way around the store, slowly, soaking in every content in sight, I caught my eyes on a Hindu/Buddhism book. I sifted through the book quickly, and as I put the book back on the shelf, I noticed beside the book there were 3 individually wrapped feathers, in cellophane. The feathers were painted, each having their own picture and frame, holding the feather in place.. I took the feather with the spotted frog to the store owner and told him about the dream and how I found this feather interesting. He told me that he had bought it from a Shaman from South American, in Panama. The Shaman had set the price himself for sale.
Lovely synchronicity through a dream.
Love and Light
Today, as I made my way through the mall, I found myself in a shop that I had bought a Tibetan Singing Bowl, in search of a cute skirt. As I made my way around the store, slowly, soaking in every content in sight, I caught my eyes on a Hindu/Buddhism book. I sifted through the book quickly, and as I put the book back on the shelf, I noticed beside the book there were 3 individually wrapped feathers, in cellophane. The feathers were painted, each having their own picture and frame, holding the feather in place.. I took the feather with the spotted frog to the store owner and told him about the dream and how I found this feather interesting. He told me that he had bought it from a Shaman from South American, in Panama. The Shaman had set the price himself for sale.
Lovely synchronicity through a dream.
Love and Light
Tuesday, March 12, 2013
My Space Travels- Part 2- Going Around The Dark Side of The Moon
In part 1- Orbiting Planet Earth, I discussed my "short form version" of life growing up with Alcoholism, and also following in some dangerous footsteps with drug/alcohol abuse. This part of the story consists of the co-dependent part of me, that most people suffer when living with active alcoholism/drug abuse of a family member/relative/partner.
First things' first, there's no easy road when having to live with active alcoholism and many of us having to deal with the addict/alcoholic feel overwhelmed, angry, fearful of our partner's behavior and chaotic in our lives. I can say that I have suffered much of these very mirroring effects that oddly enough, the alcoholic is also going through. Fact is that whatever the alcoholic/addict is going through, we may be suffering the same. This is psychological, physical and emotional.
I remember my first co-dependent relationship. I stayed in the relationship because of fear of what my partner would do to himself if I left him. I was young and naive. This was also a very abusive relationship. During this relationship, I did not obsess with his behavior, but I enabled his behavior by drinking (slightly) with him instead of refusing to do so. I left this relationship unhappy.
My marriage: A great man, caring man nonetheless, but when he proposed and the pressure of all his family surrounding me, I felt I couldn't say NO. I felt that I didn't have a voice. I was not ready and I embarked on a mission of what some would call "I can become what he wants me to be", or, "things will get better, I have hope."... This was all a learned behavior growing up and taking care of my alcoholic parent. He was a gamer, gambler, weekend warrior doing funnels in the garage. I didn't really participate much in his festivities because I was trying to focus on building my photography business. However, because I felt I could make things work, things definitely didn't seem right and I felt like the time together, was not authentic. I felt like I was walking on eggshells when he would come home from a week/month away from work. I ended the marriage after a strenuous time of trying to make things work and this is when I started drinking more than usual.
My last relationship was the one that topped them all. As a co-dependent person, and being very smart, I played the detective. If you need a detective, I was the person to call. After a while, I knew he wasn't holding up his end of the bargain and all his wonderful promises. I even knew there were red flags flying at the beginning... After a short while, drinking and boy time seemed much more important that quality time with me. After a while, I would constantly question him on his whereabouts, and call him out when I knew he was lying. I was a control freak, yet another learned behavior growing up. I drove myself nutty by the end of this relationship.. I still feel I left this relationship out of fear for my life, and everything that I had built, was torn away because I put his addictions first and his needs first. Boy did I ever let myself be manipulated. So, after three examples of co-dependent behavior, I am sure you can relate somehow...Now you ask, what to do?
I remember the first time I attended an Al-Anon meeting; I was frantic, crying frantic, I was unmanageable. That's the thing, you get to a point where you feel you lost everything, including your dignity.... I was sick, skinnier than I've ever been, frustrated by his behavior, embarrassed by my behavior and dealing with my life. I'm sure all my friends were sick of me too at some point.
I was so happy to learn about Al-Anon and finding myself through their program. I have left that life behind now, creating new boundaries for myself so I do not allow.
The hardest part in dealing with alcoholism is detaching with love. Sometimes, this just simply means detaching from THEIR situation but still being able to love them, and some other times, this means completely detaching. YOU pretty much have to come to accept that you are powerless over their addiction/behavior.
This is how it goes:
The 3 "C's":
You didn't Cause the disease
You can't Cure the person
You can't Control it.
boy did things get chaotic up until the end.
Sometimes, my partners would know exactly what to say to piss me off, just to be able to leave and keep up with their behavior...Now, with lots of self work, I've learned how to respond instead of reacting on automatic feelings. This isn't easy especially on the battle frontline. This is when you breathe....Breathing is important :)
When you detach with love, you are actually separating the disease from the person. Not only that, you are allowing the person in question the chance to live their own lives while you keep yourself active and busy in your own. Because, in all reality, we are free to live our OWN lives. It is ok to feel feelings and to mention your feelings, but be cautious of WHEN to mention these feelings....We all know we can't reason with a drunk....I'm sure we can all agree that at some point in time, we had a few and someone was trying to reason with us and it didn't fly, right? haha....
"What's my business?", is what you must ask....What can I do to make my SELF happy? Remember you cannot cure your loved one, and you should DEFINITELY NOT enable their behavior in any way. What I mean by not enabling is:
not offering beer
not going to buy their beer
not drinking along with them.
or anything that would make you upset from their drinking/abuse
If you enable, you go against your own boundaries and your own feelings towards the disease. This would be like disciplining a child and then going back on your word.. That is detachment from the problem. You don't have to hate the person, you can hate the disease. The best thing I can suggest for those who are in this type of situation, would be to find a great support group in your area of people that are going through the same as you; every city worldwide has a list of Al-Anon meetings, it's up to you to attend. I am grateful they have these types of meetings because I would have allowed myself to go further down a disasterous spiral of depression.
A great tool that was offered to me was the following when you have to express your feelings.. It's called the WIN Technique...
When you (insert action)
I feel (express YOUR feeling)
I need you to (express your request)
Also, never hold expectations, because you are setting yourself up for disaster. Only hold your own expectations of yourself.
Since I left my last relationship, I have been much more clear-minded, happy, not completely financially stable, but I'm taking it one day at a time. I played a lot of music on the streets to let go with love. Even though I couldn't love this person the way he needed to be loved, I brought the love I had for him everywhere I went. This was my way of coping and it proved successful for my SELF and my needs. I also met some very amazing people last summer that I am truly grateful to have been graced with their presence and their amazing light and advice.I'm doing things that are feel good, learning how to meditate, and sharing my experiences with others that need the support. Don't ever feel you are alone, because you aren't.
Much love and light to you all in "cyber-land",
Andrea
oo
PS...Some great books to help you along that proved useful would be:
In The Meantime-Finding Yourself and The Love You Want by Iyanla Vanzant
Self Matters Companion (2 books-red and gold) by Dr. Phil, hard work if you are up to the challenge and honest about your feelings and life......
Cheers
First things' first, there's no easy road when having to live with active alcoholism and many of us having to deal with the addict/alcoholic feel overwhelmed, angry, fearful of our partner's behavior and chaotic in our lives. I can say that I have suffered much of these very mirroring effects that oddly enough, the alcoholic is also going through. Fact is that whatever the alcoholic/addict is going through, we may be suffering the same. This is psychological, physical and emotional.
I remember my first co-dependent relationship. I stayed in the relationship because of fear of what my partner would do to himself if I left him. I was young and naive. This was also a very abusive relationship. During this relationship, I did not obsess with his behavior, but I enabled his behavior by drinking (slightly) with him instead of refusing to do so. I left this relationship unhappy.
My marriage: A great man, caring man nonetheless, but when he proposed and the pressure of all his family surrounding me, I felt I couldn't say NO. I felt that I didn't have a voice. I was not ready and I embarked on a mission of what some would call "I can become what he wants me to be", or, "things will get better, I have hope."... This was all a learned behavior growing up and taking care of my alcoholic parent. He was a gamer, gambler, weekend warrior doing funnels in the garage. I didn't really participate much in his festivities because I was trying to focus on building my photography business. However, because I felt I could make things work, things definitely didn't seem right and I felt like the time together, was not authentic. I felt like I was walking on eggshells when he would come home from a week/month away from work. I ended the marriage after a strenuous time of trying to make things work and this is when I started drinking more than usual.
My last relationship was the one that topped them all. As a co-dependent person, and being very smart, I played the detective. If you need a detective, I was the person to call. After a while, I knew he wasn't holding up his end of the bargain and all his wonderful promises. I even knew there were red flags flying at the beginning... After a short while, drinking and boy time seemed much more important that quality time with me. After a while, I would constantly question him on his whereabouts, and call him out when I knew he was lying. I was a control freak, yet another learned behavior growing up. I drove myself nutty by the end of this relationship.. I still feel I left this relationship out of fear for my life, and everything that I had built, was torn away because I put his addictions first and his needs first. Boy did I ever let myself be manipulated. So, after three examples of co-dependent behavior, I am sure you can relate somehow...Now you ask, what to do?
I remember the first time I attended an Al-Anon meeting; I was frantic, crying frantic, I was unmanageable. That's the thing, you get to a point where you feel you lost everything, including your dignity.... I was sick, skinnier than I've ever been, frustrated by his behavior, embarrassed by my behavior and dealing with my life. I'm sure all my friends were sick of me too at some point.
I was so happy to learn about Al-Anon and finding myself through their program. I have left that life behind now, creating new boundaries for myself so I do not allow.
The hardest part in dealing with alcoholism is detaching with love. Sometimes, this just simply means detaching from THEIR situation but still being able to love them, and some other times, this means completely detaching. YOU pretty much have to come to accept that you are powerless over their addiction/behavior.
This is how it goes:
The 3 "C's":
You didn't Cause the disease
You can't Cure the person
You can't Control it.
boy did things get chaotic up until the end.
Sometimes, my partners would know exactly what to say to piss me off, just to be able to leave and keep up with their behavior...Now, with lots of self work, I've learned how to respond instead of reacting on automatic feelings. This isn't easy especially on the battle frontline. This is when you breathe....Breathing is important :)
When you detach with love, you are actually separating the disease from the person. Not only that, you are allowing the person in question the chance to live their own lives while you keep yourself active and busy in your own. Because, in all reality, we are free to live our OWN lives. It is ok to feel feelings and to mention your feelings, but be cautious of WHEN to mention these feelings....We all know we can't reason with a drunk....I'm sure we can all agree that at some point in time, we had a few and someone was trying to reason with us and it didn't fly, right? haha....
"What's my business?", is what you must ask....What can I do to make my SELF happy? Remember you cannot cure your loved one, and you should DEFINITELY NOT enable their behavior in any way. What I mean by not enabling is:
not offering beer
not going to buy their beer
not drinking along with them.
or anything that would make you upset from their drinking/abuse
If you enable, you go against your own boundaries and your own feelings towards the disease. This would be like disciplining a child and then going back on your word.. That is detachment from the problem. You don't have to hate the person, you can hate the disease. The best thing I can suggest for those who are in this type of situation, would be to find a great support group in your area of people that are going through the same as you; every city worldwide has a list of Al-Anon meetings, it's up to you to attend. I am grateful they have these types of meetings because I would have allowed myself to go further down a disasterous spiral of depression.
A great tool that was offered to me was the following when you have to express your feelings.. It's called the WIN Technique...
When you (insert action)
I feel (express YOUR feeling)
I need you to (express your request)
Also, never hold expectations, because you are setting yourself up for disaster. Only hold your own expectations of yourself.
Since I left my last relationship, I have been much more clear-minded, happy, not completely financially stable, but I'm taking it one day at a time. I played a lot of music on the streets to let go with love. Even though I couldn't love this person the way he needed to be loved, I brought the love I had for him everywhere I went. This was my way of coping and it proved successful for my SELF and my needs. I also met some very amazing people last summer that I am truly grateful to have been graced with their presence and their amazing light and advice.I'm doing things that are feel good, learning how to meditate, and sharing my experiences with others that need the support. Don't ever feel you are alone, because you aren't.
Much love and light to you all in "cyber-land",
Andrea
oo
PS...Some great books to help you along that proved useful would be:
In The Meantime-Finding Yourself and The Love You Want by Iyanla Vanzant
Self Matters Companion (2 books-red and gold) by Dr. Phil, hard work if you are up to the challenge and honest about your feelings and life......
Cheers
Friday, March 1, 2013
My Space Travels- Part 1- Orbiting Planet Earth
This is a short form story of my life to raise awareness and also to provide a sense of hope to all those who have lived through and experienced generations of alcoholism/drug abuse in their families. I write this with honesty, love and also courage for those in the world who are also and/or have felt the same.
Many people grow up feeling alone in their thoughts or feeling like there's a big elephant lurking in their family livingrooms. Watching their parents, siblings suffer from alcoholism and not understanding that it is a disease. Many people that see this growing up feel that they are the reasons why their parents, loved ones drank. This is not the case under any circumstances.
Most people drink to let loose, to escape from insecurities, to escape from reality, the excuses can continue on....I can honestly say I am not perfect in any sense and I feel I have gone around the Earth (seeing family alcholism and repeating the same as my parent, generations...) and also circling around the dark side of the Moon (seeking help for co-dependency because I loved someone so much I was trying to fix them and lost my SELF in the process). I have been on many ups and downs.
I have been sober for over a year, I have been sober from chemical drugs for over 12-13 years, and I have been pot free for over 2 months, becoming a more authentic ME.
With that said, I recently took part in an Al-Anon based 12 day Family Program for Co-Dependency. I am here to share my experience with you, but before I can, you must know how I came to this point and how and what I've done to continue on my journey through this awesome life.
I was born in a mining town, northern Ontario. Like the good old Stompin' Tom song goes, "the girls are out to Bingo and the guys are getting stinko", a motto for most industry workers, as generations pass from one to the next. I'm sure my forefathers were alcoholics, then the parents became alcoholics and the kids become worse with drugs and alcohol. It's a vicious cycle. My parents divorced when I was very young. I saw lots of drinking growing up after that. Most of the time, I was left alone, to fend for myself while my parent was out drinking. Sometimes, they would bring me to a family restaurant while they drank. At the time, being so young, it seemed normal, right? Shirley Temples were awesome. This continued on, over the years, up until about almost 2 years ago with this parent. They have quit now and are rebuilding their love for life and making amends. I'm proud. I can recount the many times that I felt alone, or hiding behind my teddy bears because I couldn't bear the sound of my parent being hung over, hugging the almighty throne. This is probably WHY to this day, I cannot stand people vomiting or the sound of it. I grew up being the nerd, the one people picked on, the loser. I never had many friends but always seemed to find my independence through all the loneliness.
I was 17 when I lost my grandfather, it was shortly before I went to college. He was my rock, I really looked up to him. I was about to enroll in the graphics design program because I really enjoyed art. I went on a downward spiral, using exstacy, pot, shrooms, crystal. This went on for about a year, every weekend, partying in 1999-2000. By 2001, I had quit doing drugs. The thing that led me to quit is hearing about a dear friend almost dying from their experience and I wondered to myself, "what the hell am I doing?"....really, who was I fooling? My parents were worried and I was lying to them, I was getting skinny, I was a mess. This was the first time I hit a low point. I had dropped out of college, my grades were showing how much partying was important, I was financially unstable and I made many mistakes in relationships and bad decisions putting my life in danger. I quit cold turkey. It was hard to distance myself from EVERYONE I knew, even my best friend. This is the only way you can get better, is to distance yourself from the situations that drags you down the spiral. I still smoked pot after that but at least I was off the rest of everything.
I moved a lot, just as much as my age. I'm 31, if you can put that into perspective, that's insane. I ask myself now, "what the hell was I running from?"...the hard answer? myself!
I quit drinking over a year ago because I started realizing that my drinking was not helping my relationship (enabling behavior) at the time and I saw that their drinking was self-abusive, manipulative. I made poor choices within this relationship as well. I felt my life was unmanageable and that I was done with the "shitshow", so to speak.
This is when I decided that change was needed. I started attending Al-Anon meetings to understand myself, and how my drinking was affecting my life, how drinking affected my family growing up, and how to help myself. I will talk about this all in Part 2- Coming Around The Darkside of the Moon.
It's hard to write an "in a nutshell" version when I can write a 5 book novel on my whole entire life thus far.
I never attended AA, but for anyone that is interested in quitting drinking, there's programs worldwide with amazing support if you are up to a challenge to experience a better quality of life. All you need to do is do a google search for your area and you will find the answers you are looking for. Know that you are not alone, many people suffer the same and it's amazing how much we can relate to other's experiences.
I understand now how alcoholism is a disease, caused by an internal factor (depression, lack of self confidence, etc) and the drink/drugs is the external release.
I am a people watcher and it's amazing even after one drink how a person can change. Don't believe me? Stay sober one night while the rest of your friends drink and you will see for yourself that you won't want to be around them, you may even feel slightly annoyed. So, I asked myself..How did I look after a few beers, shots etc? Like a f**n fool. hah. I'll spare you the embarrassing stories, I'm sure we all have our own. I also ask myself WHY I drank? My answer is because I didn't have confidence, or I was depressed and didn't know that I can simply talk to someone or that I can choose to pay my bills instead of drinking a case of beer.
If you quit drinking, you'll notice how many people really support you and those who were just around because you were a drop off place to have a beer. That's ok, keep the support close and the bad ones far away, at least for the meantime.
I quit pot almost 2 months ago and I feel amazing with only cigarettes to quit (which is coming real soon). I'm taking it one day at a time, one moment at a time, really smelling the roses.
My part two, I will talk about co-dependency and how to become a stronger person when you are involved in a relationship with someone under the influence, or family alcoholism. I wished I knew about all the support a long time ago, but it's never too late to get started.
With much love and light,
Andrea
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