New York, New York

A friend suggested that this would be a suiting song for the blog: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Pae6bNjltdA (to open up a new page, hold down CTRL and click on link)

I recently embarked on a journey to New York for a 2 day book signings that was being held in the New York area by an author/musician I have admired over the years .  It felt surreal being there and it also felt like I've been there before, despite the fact that it was my first time.

Along the flight, I conversed with two young Italian travellers who were staying close to where I had booked my hotel. We carpooled in my rental and we made our way over to New Jersey side. We ended up going for supper and they were super sweet and nice to cover my meal. Mucho gracias!

This was a very emotionally charged trip for me, as made my way around this large city over a 3 day period.  I had the opportunity to go on the Liberty Island tour.  Unfortunately, there were no more tours available to go all the way up to the viewing station but I did get the chance to view the base of her pedestal and the museum.  Entering, I was greeted by a wonderful man giving information and tours.  I had done some independent research back home on Liberty and made some interesting connections during my research. The tour leader probed me on my knowledge, and I ended up enlightening this wonderful man with some perspective from a Canadian.  Jokingly, and perhaps with some honesty, he asked me if I could take over the tour while he went to lunch with his work companion.  I helped a few couples with group photos and was again drawn into the history and models of what Bartholi had envisioned for Liberty and Freedom.

Thank you to the couple who took this photo below.

I bought a few small gifts, such as postcards and a pair of earrings made of Wrought Iron that were made out of the 2nd story rail overlooking the Registry room of Ellis Island.  Unfortunately, the tour didn't include a visit to Ellis Island due to Hurricane Sandy from the year prior.  It was still under renovations. 

One of the postcards that stood out to me was a cartoon depiction of the statue of Liberty with an ascending female, clothed in white, pink linen and has a grey linen draped over her arm.  "Résurrection de la Liberté." It made me think of an old French folklore song from my childhood, and it gave me a whole new way of looking at that song.  I bought two of these postcards and one of Ellis Island.

Another notable discovery I made (to be taken with a cup of humor) was the shape of Manhattan and the location of the 3 islands (Liberty/Ellis/Governor) in the bay... It looks like a giant....oh, should I say it?...Penis with 3 semen spots.  Funny what you can see with Google Map. 

Later that day, I drove to Long Island for the 1st book signing. I passed by Jamaica and Hempstead and couldn't help but giggle at the connections to marijuana and hemp.  Then, I pondered about WHY the city of New York was called the Big Apple when there are no apple trees. So all I could come up with is seeds...but what kind?  Oddly enough, I do know where there is a big apple, if you travel to Western Canada to a city called Kelowna.  During the book signing, I gave the author a gift. A book I had put together that was a draft which contained illustrations, photos and odd facts that has been making me ponder about our connectivity for years. I interacted with others in line and they too shared their gifts for the author with me.  So many amazing people came out to this book signing and really grateful to have met them all.

On day two of the book signings, I stayed close to the location on Manhattan Island.  I parked my car across the street at underground paid parking and was greeted by a jovial man who was originally from Montreal and later moved to New York.  Going up to street level, I bought the author's book and sat down at a café, I opened the book and made my way through the pages for the first time over coffee  Then, BLAM! Another wave of emotion.  Only this time, it felt like a group of butterflies flying around me, representing Love, Understanding, Joy and crying giggles and more.  How is it possible that two books can mirror each other in such an intimate way? I have plenty of questions myself that I would love to discuss with the author as I am quite confident to say that He as well, probably has a query or two.  On a side note, I cordially invite you, yes you to Canada to discuss an open-minded collaboration of some sort.

I walked around Manhattan carrying my guitar, however, I didn't really feel like playing, just talking to people.  I also met a great guy who was a writer who enjoyed the color purple, another that was working on a TV series and another fellow musician with an interesting name. 

I also had the opportunity to go inside St Paul's church which is facing the memorial site of the twin towers. Once again, a flood of emotions filled me with sorrow as I saw with my own eyes all the memorial cards of those who tragically died.  I walked around the large block of the memorial site
praying in my heart while burning white sage. 

I made my way back towards the location of the book signing and joined other audience members in line.  I shared knowledge with a couple of Green Peace workers that took the streets to raise awareness on ecological issues our world is facing.  I shared information about companies such as such as Elementa, the Chaga mushroom with many great health benefits, eco vs. ego, and giving "Peas a Chance"...

Lots of Love, Hope, Joy to those who have touched my life in a special way during my visit to New York.  What a beautiful and spirit-filled city and I am grateful for being in your presence.

Back in the forest, retreating to painting art on an array of canvases.  I feel a jolt of inspiration including nature as the canvas. 

Have a wonderful day

The Day KISS Came To Town

Back in the summer of '09, I took a "Thelma and Louise" type trip across Canada and the USA with my friend and we ended up in Los Angeles for a couple of nights.  We spent a lot of time walking around, checking out the scene and taking photos.  I got a photo of my self standing over Kiss's Hollywood star. Photo below.

As I fast forward, I'd like to talk about what happened earlier this week.  KISS came to Sudbury on Tuesday July 23rd (the day after a full moon) and rocked our arena with Shinedown.  Earlier that day, I was tending to a friends garden when their cousin and his partner showed up.  They were pretty happy that Kiss made their way here and the wife also told me that she was Gene Simmons wife`s cousin from the east coast. She wished she could afford to go to the show but was unable to attend.

A few hours later, I drove to the arena with my guitar to try to raise some money for the Make Yourself Foundation and also to see all the Kiss fans in costume.  As I was walking through our memorial park after parking my car, I then realized I forgot my coffee . It was a chili night so I was going to need a warmup while I was entertaining the crowds outside the arena.  As I made my way back through the park with my coffee, I noticed a tall blond lady and a younger brunette walking with their cute little doggies and followed by security.  I knew this must have been Shannon Tweed.  Then, all of a sudden, her doggie comes running up to me and loving me up.  She came up to me and told me that her dog never did anything like this and it was like I was her dogs long lost mother, or something.

I kept conversation short with her because I understand how it must be to get bombarded every single day because of who you are, or what you do, or your status. It's amazing how I met her cousin eariler that day and then I end up running into Shannon, all because of my abandoned coffee I had to go get from my car.  Right door, awesome sauces.

I placed myself in front of some buses and played guitar for a few hours while I can hear the concert happening on the inside of the arena.  The lights from all the pyrotechnics were reflecting off the bus and I could only imagine how intense it was on the inside.

I met some interesting characters that evening.  There was this one man that came out of the arena with a vinyl and wanted me to sign his Kiss album; weird request but done.  I met a few roadies that were super cool.  "Fig" and "Shadi/Shati" (not sure of spelling). "Fig" asked me what was in my guitar (he was shaking my guitar) and I told him my "bottom dollar".  * I keep a dollar coin in my guitar sound hole, to remind me of my strength and courage to keep going. The dollar coin is also a reference to an Incubus song called Glass.

I ended up raising over $45 for the Make Yourself Foundation that night, which brings my total up to over $400 raised by playing guitar and singing on the streets.

Yesterday, July 25th, I donated $100 to the Make Yourself Foundation.org through a website called urgencynetwork.com to increase my chances to have the opportunity to surf with Brandon Boyd and also to help some of the causes that are dear to them and also to me.  About an hour after donating for the cause, I had coffee with a friend and noticed he was wearing a pair of shorts with the number 23. If you know Incubus`s music, the 23 would make sense, and if not, time to start listening to this band that`s been around for 20 years....Incredible, in one word.

I would like to thank Kiss for gracing us with their presence on their 40th anniversary tour, as well as the kindness and generosity of all the Kiss fans and the super cool people I met that day.  Shannon, your dog is super cute and lovable and intensely soft and maybe,just maybe,  I am your dogs` long lost mother...Who knows...   :)

Love and Light,
Andrea

The Path of Life

I wanted to share a beautiful experience I had with a friend last night.  Together, we went up to a local highpoint in our city that has many raised monuments, and also has a great view of both the stars and the cityscape; the grotto.  We walked along, inside the path of life labyrinth, making our way to the centre, surrounding ourselves with white light and good intent, followed by the resonate sounds of a singing bowl.  We reached the middle and sat and watched the dancing northern lights for hours as they stretched from the Big Dipper to the Altair.  It has been many years since I've personally seen the Aurora Borealis dance as it did last night.  We also took note at how the patterns of the Aurora resembled an angel with wings.  Just above Cassiopeia, (W shaped constellation),  a shooting star graced us with it's presence.

I would say that this has been one of the most beautiful, inspiring nights I've had in a long time.

A Recent Letter of Concern

I wanted to share with you all a letter I recently wrote to Minister Peter Kent in regards to a Rare Earth mining project up in the Temiscaming/Kipewa area.  Shortly after writing this letter, Ramsey Lake in Sudbury has been made aware of being polluted and that they are trying to find the "source" of pollution.  (Please read an article release on May 13th, 2013 CBC Story- Ramsey Lake . I feel it is time for us to really wake up and smell the honesty.  If people keep a demand on mining, that essentially creates many types of pollution, how are we going to survive?  My biggest question is WHY isn't mining capped, like forestry, fish and trapping, as well as hunting?  Have we forgot about how impacts work when excessive raping of minerals?  This isn't only happening here, but all over the world.  Please take time to read the letter to better understand the severity.  Initially, I received a letter from MiningWatch and in response, contacted the links they provided below on their site, to send out my concerns.  I have also contacted the UN, and a few other organizations including the World Public Union.  This is an ever growing concern, and understand that my hometown is surrounded by mines, but we are all effected to some degree.  How important is quality of life, over quantity of mineral? I feel this is a loaded question we should not be taking for granted or lightly.

With no further ado, here is my letter to Minister Kent:

Written and emailed on May 8th, 2013 with no response back yet...

Dear Minister Kent,

I am concerned about the proposed Kipewa Rare Earths Project in the territory of Wolf Lake and Eagle Village Algonquin First Nations.

I am a resident of Sudbury, Ontario and also a graduate in forestry, fish and wildlife management.  I have studied ecology and have done numerous water assessment inventories.

This project has the potential for significant adverse effects to the water, fish and wildlife and human uses of the area and must be reviewed in the most rigorous and participatory way possible.

Allow me to paint you a picture of Sudbury, and then, I will elaborate on each category that will be effected by the opening of this site proposed in the territory of Wolf Lake and Eagle Village.

Sudbury is the nickle capital of the world.  And, as glamorous as it may seem for our economy, we also have to look at the impact it has left around Sudbury.  I have enclosed a link to the satellite view of the tailing ponds.  Furthermore, Sudbury has one of the highest cancer rates in the world due to air pollution and possibly from dangerous chemicals seeping into our drinking water.

Click on link: http://goo.gl/maps/WL4sr

The emerald and light blue colored lakes are the tailing ponds that surround Sudbury from generations of mining, and over the years, from early smelting processes, it has left our Mother Earth blackened, resembling a moon-type landscape.  Furthermore, lest we not forget how watersheds work.  The water runs eventually into the Great Lakes, which also serves as drinking water to the surrounding communities.  Not only that, the United States also need clean drinking water.

As I mentioned, I am a resident of Sudbury and I have seen how glorious the economy has left an impact in Sudbury.  I have also suffered with generations of alcoholism due to our men making bigger paychecks and spending big paychecks and having to suffer working long hours for the production of the company.  In industries, I have lived through the pain of watching my generations suffer from this illness and quite possibly from a late great grandfather being killed in the mines in '38, that has left a negative ripple effect on my family ever since.  So now, not only is this an environmental issue, it is also an issue with social standards and ways of living.

Feel free to read my blog where I go into detail about how I grew up living with alcoholism.  You can find this blog here: http://findinghathor.blogspot.ca



I would love to discuss each and every impactual category of this proposed Kipewa Rare Earth Project.

1. WATER
- Water runs through watersheds, and eventually into our oceans, first making their way through small rivers, creeks, lakes.  Imagine being a fish and having to live in a chemical bathtub.  Imagine how this water will be effected in a few decades and even in 50 years from now.  Imagine your children or family drinking this water.  Plants also need water, as well as our wildlife.  There are many species that depend and live near waterways that will be effected.

2. WILDLIFE
- Deforestation to enable transportation will decrease the potential for species to hunt in their boundaries and also destroy natural habitat.  Imagine a hot summer day and a fire breaks loose due to the opening of a new road.  Imagine the impact it would have on the surrounding wildlife.  Imagine now that you are one of those animals that live in trauma due to the fact that your house has been destroyed because a new road was established for Rare Earth mining.  Wildlife depend on water, on forest for survival.

3. HUMAN USES
- Opening new roads will enable hunters to travel into areas that were once not open to the public which can result in rubbish dumping, air pollution from motor vehicles, not to mention the risk of forest fires.

These are only a small few examples of what may occur from opening this site.  I fear for all of us, and the state of our beautiful land which is not ours by right, but Mother Earth.  I feel that we have lost a respect for our Mother Earth and I have seen the impacts and footprints left over years and years of mining.  This is my cry out for help, from Mother Earth.

The review must also be consistent with Canadian law on the duty to consult and acccomodate and Canada's international obligations under the UN Declaration on the Rights of Indigenous Peoples.

To meet these commitments Canada must accept in good faith the Algonquin First Nations offer to harmonize their review process with Canada in a joint review panel.

I fully endorse and recommend that the First Nations call for a joint review panel for the Kipewa Project.

Sincerely,

Andrea G.

If you wish to contact him with your requests or concerns, please email him at kentp@parl.gc.ca and also follow Mining Watch at www.miningwatch.ca.  Get informed, that is our right.



Now, with all this said, I also speak on behalf of you, and I and everyone we know and care about.  A Cleveland/Ohio based company is building a Ferrochrome smelter fascility just 20 kms north of Sudbury in a small town called Capreol.  (View article here: Ferrochrome Smelter for Capreol )

We get most of our fresh water from Lake Wanapitei which is just east of Capreol and north of Sudbury.  This water eventually makes its way into the Great Lakes.  So once again, this is about you and I and everyone we know that lives here or near.  If this bologna doesn't stop, when will it?

My honest, true thoughts for us all to ponder upon.  Truth is hard to swallow, but it's time to open our eyes and be realistic and weigh out the importance of demand vs. quality of LIFE.  How can we as individuals make a difference?  How can we reduce our metal waste? These are just some important questions we need to start asking as individuals, especially those who have stocks in mining industries.  We in the end are all crooks, and culprits however, we can stop and appreciate what we currently have in our lives instead of demanding for more.

Thank you for listening and reading the concerns, and I hope that you are courageous enough to respond and to comment.

Love and Light,
Andrea G.

 

Happiest of Earth Days

What a gloriously awesome day.

After a few hours on the job, I decided to head downtown to play some guitar for Earth Day.. Rewinding now to over 10 years ago, on  Earth Day, I played guitar at a book store to help raise money. This was a televised event.  Ten years ago, I was much more shy behind my guitar, but I still went ahead with courage and played three songs, two of which were from my favorite band of awesome guys.  Today, now moving forward, I revisited the downtown core and played two songs on the streets for my favorite band. On Twitter, a group of fans organized a genre of "fest" to celebrate this band, so it was nice to raise money for their foundation as well as sing a few of their songs openly with a much louder voice than 10 years ago..

Here's a photo of a gentle man I met. He was also celebrating Earth Day.  *Note the sign on his bike and my tshirt.

Afterwards, heading home, I met another man by the nickname of Soupy.. I helped him walk to the Samaritan Centre for a warm meal.  What would normally take me 5 minutes to walk, because of my baby giraffe legs (hahah) took an awesome hour of enlightening conversations along the way, through memorial park, past the "frolicking seals" and stones set in the ground reading off RESPECT at the beginning of the trail and the last one being FRIENDSHIP...  

We talked a lot of life, taking one step at a time, and how to enjoy the sweetness of the lemons in life. 

We hope to bump into each other again.  Of course, got a few funny compliments about my booty. Needless to say, I had some red gum on my jeans from sitting down with Soupy for a midway break.  hahha.  Not the first time I've encountered an embarrassing moment I can laugh out loud about later and for years to come! 

Love and Light and once again, Happy Earth Day

Andrea

Conversations With A Raccoon

Yesterday. as I took my lovely doggie for a walk, I was preparing my mind to do a knot tying ceremony to release some of the anxieties I felt earlier that day.  My dog made me aware of a raccoon that was sitting by a pool of water in the bush and I observed him.  He didn't look very healthy, looked rather sick and weak.  I calmly tied my dog to a tree and sat 5 feet from the raccoon that was now laying down.  I must have spent about 10 minutes or so talking with this raccoon about life, about his life.  I felt extremely humbled in this moment.  I told him he wasn't alone and I sent a prayer out to the universe for him.  He got up and started to walk closer to me, as he struggled to breathe.  I got up and asked him to follow me, and he did.  I wished him well as he made his way to a small stream that connected to a creek that runs through our city (and below).

I continued on my walk with my doggie and as I made my way back, I had now noticed the raccoon was laying between the stumps of two coppice tree by the smaller stream.  I told him that if I were in his shoes, I would want to be exactly where he was resting, listening to the sound of the flowing water as he prepared to make his way into his next life.

It's funny how life throws moments like these.

Peace and Love
Andrea

Act of Kindness And An Act of Kindness Pt. 2

A few posts back, I talked about a gentle man that offered me a few homemade gifts and a blank canvas one night I played guitar to raise money for a foundation close to my heart.  I took time to paint the canvas he has given me that night.  Here's a painting below:

Today, I had the day off and I geared up with my guitar and smile and head downtown and played guitar (busked, as I call it...) in front of where an old record store used to be that has recently relocated to another area.  I ran into the kind man and gave him a painting I did a few months ago, called Tent for Two....  Act of Kindness, the art that keeps giving :)

This is Tent for Two..

Hope you all have a wonderful day and enjoy the New Moon!

Love and Life

Andrea

Building A Better Futures Within Our Communities

I recently found a bookmark that I would love to share with you.  It has thoughts and ideas on how to build better communities.  I will also share some of my own thoughts as to what we can further do to create some of the positive changes.  They are great ideas I've thought of, or have tried and the results proved successful.

1. Turn of TV
- cut down on the amount of negative feedback you receive by what is being played on TV.
- you get to save on your electrical bill
- enjoy the outdoors and fresh air

2. Know your neighbors
- Be kind and understand that everyone comes from a different background, or has a story that can break your heart.

3. Look up where you are walking
- Don't get yourself into a sticky situation going down that dark alleyway, alone

4. Greet people
- Be kind, say good day; you may increase the positivity in their lives by just smiling.  I feel in larger cities, you don't see this happen often, people are way too consumed with where they're going and look at you like an alien when you smile at them and say good day...All the more reason to greet them.

5. Plant flowers
- Let's face it, flowers are beautiful, they smell pretty and they also offer oxygen which is essential to our survival.

6. Recycle
- Very important in today's world where the demand for products have increased.  It helps cutting costs by reusing ziplock bags, using styrofoam as artists' palettes, etc...

7. Bake extra and share
- I'm a sucker for this one, I love baking/cooking so I always have extra.

8. Use your library
- Instead of using internet sources, electrical power, read read read!

9. Play together
- Road hockey, sports, non competitiveness, enjoy the people you are with and not so much winning the match.

10. Buy from local merchants
- Help support your city and the community by buying from local meat markets, fruit/veggie stands.  Inquire with the merchants on how they grow their veggies. Know what is in your food. With today's larger markets, we fail to notice that half of what we eat has been genetically modified and making us sick.

11. Share what you have
- Lets face it, we don't have a trailer hitch tied to our coffins when we pass onto our next lives.  Share what you have.  Donate clothes, shoes, articles to causes that help support people that are less fortunate.

12. Pick up litter
- Oh, I can write a book on this subject... It is our responsibility as consumers to pick up litter.  Please don't wait for someone else to clean up our communities.. Create street cleanups with your neighbors, recycle, take care of our mother Earth. I did 6 hrs/week of garbage cleanup on my own time last year and worked as well.  No excuse people.

13. Garden together
- Creating community based gardens in every ward, asking your city councel to create these projects to instill a sense of togetherness, and community and sharing the yield at harvest time. Remember, more oxygen, healthier people

14. Compost
- Create composts, research on how to create a great composting system.  This is the best way to create amazing gardens for the years to come!

15. Take children to the park
- I see how there has been an increase on the amount of children with TV's, Playstation units, computers in their rooms and homes.  Share time together, take your children out of the electrical environment and spend some quality time with them.  This creates a stronger bond and improves their lives.

16. Listen to the birds
- I think everyone can agree that they love to bird-watch.  Take time in the morning and listen to the sound of the birds.

17. Fix it even if you didn't break it
- Problem solving will help increase brain productivity and imagination.  You feel a sense of accomplishment when you fix something.

18. Take action to create positive change in your community
- Take part in local organizations, volunteer.  I love playing guitar downtown to bring music back to the community.

19. Honor elders
- I love sitting with elders and hearing their stories of the past of our cities and how things were when they were teenagers through their thoughts.  It helps create a mental image where you can improve your community today.

20. Have potlucks
- I am a sucker for having potluck music playing sessions.  Everyone brings a snack and we get to enjoy great food together and great music

21.Start a tradition
- This summer, I will be starting my own tradition with others of like mind, playing hand drums around many of our surrounding lakes.  What traditions can improve your community?

22. Know your political representative
- Very important to ensure that the promises are kept and to ensure that things improve within the community. Offer suggestions

23. Seek to understand
- Understanding how things got to where they are today, with open eyes, and seek ways to improve them.


Lots of love,
Andrea

Act of Kindness And An Act of Kindness

I've been playing guitar on the streets trying to raise money for a trip across country and continent.  Half the proceeds raised will be going towards the Make Yourself Foundation (About the Make Yourself Foundation)

Tonight, despite the cold northern Ontario weather, I geared up and went downtown to play some music.  I love interacting with the random people that I meet and so grateful all the while for all the support and donations.  The best donations are homemade gifts.  Tonight, a wonderful Metis man gave me two candles he had made, along with an empty canvas to paint upon as well as shared some of his poetry, a poem called Two or Tree.  I was touched by these gifts.  Next time I see this gentle man, I will have a painted canvas that he can enjoy with the gift me gave me in the first place!

I sang a special song for a young man that was struggling in his life and as I was singing and playing, I can see he was writing something down on a notepad.  He tearfully handed me the paper afterwards.  I didn't read it then, but as soon as I got home, I was completely moved by his words.  I will always keep that note.

I didn't make much money but the memories will remain! It's beautiful sharing some music with people and to hear their life stories and talk about hope for a better future! So grateful for tonight's conversations and smiles.

Love and Light!!

Dreams And Synchronistic Events

I recently had a wonderful dream where I had two individually wrapped feathers in cellophane, and I was taking them out of their packaging.  This was the most significant part of the dream.  Both feathers seemed slender and dark in color, but beautiful.

Today, as I made my way through the mall, I found myself in a shop that I had bought a Tibetan Singing Bowl, in search of a cute skirt.  As I made my way around the store, slowly, soaking in every content in sight, I caught my eyes on a Hindu/Buddhism book.  I sifted through the book quickly, and as I put the book back on the shelf, I noticed beside the book there were 3 individually wrapped feathers, in cellophane.  The feathers were painted, each having their own picture and frame, holding the feather in place.. I took the feather with the spotted frog to the store owner and told him about the dream and how I found this feather interesting.  He told me that he had bought it from a Shaman from South American, in Panama.  The Shaman had set the price himself for sale.

Lovely synchronicity through a dream.

Love and Light

My Space Travels- Part 2- Going Around The Dark Side of The Moon

In part 1- Orbiting Planet Earth, I discussed my "short form version" of life growing up with Alcoholism, and also following in some dangerous footsteps with drug/alcohol abuse.  This part of the story consists of the co-dependent part of me, that most people suffer when living with active alcoholism/drug abuse of a family member/relative/partner.

First things' first, there's no easy road when having to live with active alcoholism and many of us having to deal with the addict/alcoholic feel overwhelmed, angry, fearful of our partner's behavior and chaotic in our lives.  I can say that I have suffered much of these very mirroring effects that oddly enough, the alcoholic is also going through.  Fact is that whatever the alcoholic/addict is going through, we may be suffering the same.  This is psychological, physical and emotional.

I remember my first co-dependent relationship.  I stayed in the relationship because of fear of what my partner would do to himself if I left him.  I was young and naive.  This was also a very abusive relationship.  During this relationship, I did not obsess with his behavior, but I enabled his behavior by drinking (slightly) with him instead of refusing to do so.  I left this relationship unhappy.

My marriage: A great man, caring man nonetheless, but when he proposed and the pressure of all his family surrounding me, I felt I couldn't say NO.  I felt that I didn't have a voice. I was not ready and I embarked on a mission of what some would call "I can become what he wants me to be", or, "things will get better, I have hope."... This was all a learned behavior growing up and taking care of my alcoholic parent.  He was a gamer, gambler, weekend warrior doing funnels in the garage.  I didn't really participate much in his festivities because I was trying to focus on building my photography business.  However, because I felt I could make things work, things definitely didn't seem right and I felt like the time together, was not authentic.  I felt like I was walking on eggshells when he would come home from a week/month away from work.  I ended the marriage after a strenuous time of trying to make things work and this is when I started drinking more than usual.

My last relationship was the one that topped them all.  As a co-dependent person, and being very smart, I played the detective. If you need a detective, I was the person to call. After a while, I knew he wasn't holding up his end of the bargain and all his wonderful promises.  I even knew there were red flags flying at the beginning... After a short while, drinking and boy time seemed much more important that quality time with me.  After a while, I would constantly question him on his whereabouts, and call him out when I knew he was lying.  I was a control freak, yet another learned behavior growing up.  I drove myself nutty by the end of this relationship.. I still feel I left this relationship out of fear for my life, and everything that I had built, was torn away because I put his addictions first and his needs first.  Boy did I ever let myself be manipulated.  So, after three examples of co-dependent behavior, I am sure you can relate somehow...Now you ask, what to do?

I remember the first time I attended an Al-Anon meeting; I was frantic, crying frantic, I was unmanageable.  That's the thing, you get to a point where you feel you lost everything, including your dignity....  I was sick, skinnier than I've ever been, frustrated by his behavior, embarrassed by my behavior and dealing with my life.  I'm sure all my friends were sick of me too at some point.

I was so happy to learn about Al-Anon and finding myself through their program.  I have left that life behind now, creating new boundaries for myself so I do not allow.

The hardest part in dealing with alcoholism is detaching with love.  Sometimes, this just simply means detaching from THEIR situation but still being able to love them, and some other times, this means completely detaching.  YOU pretty much have to come to accept that you are powerless over their addiction/behavior.

This is how it goes:
The 3 "C's":
You didn't Cause the disease
You can't Cure the person
You can't Control it.


boy did things get chaotic up until the end.

Sometimes, my partners would know exactly what to say to piss me off, just to be able to leave and keep up with their behavior...Now, with lots of self work, I've learned how to respond instead of reacting on automatic feelings.  This isn't easy especially on the battle frontline.  This is when you breathe....Breathing is important :)

When you detach with love, you are actually separating the disease from the person.  Not only that, you are allowing the person in question the chance to live their own lives while you keep yourself active and busy in your own.  Because, in all reality, we are free to live our OWN lives.    It is ok to feel feelings and to mention your feelings, but be cautious of WHEN to mention these feelings....We all know we can't reason with a drunk....I'm sure we can all agree that at some point in time, we had a few and someone was trying to reason with us and it didn't fly, right? haha....

"What's my business?", is what you must ask....What can I do to make my SELF happy? Remember you cannot cure your loved one, and you should DEFINITELY NOT enable their behavior in any way.  What I mean by not enabling is:
 not offering beer
not going to buy their beer
not drinking along with them.
or anything that would make you upset from their drinking/abuse

 If you enable, you go against your own boundaries and your own feelings towards the disease.  This would be like disciplining a child and then going back on your word.. That is detachment from the problem.  You don't have to hate the person, you can hate the disease.  The best thing I can suggest for those who are in this type of situation, would be to find a great support group in your area of people that are going through the same as you; every city worldwide has a list of Al-Anon meetings, it's up to you to attend.   I am grateful they have these types of meetings because I would have allowed myself to go further down a disasterous spiral of depression.

A great tool that was offered to me was the following when you have to express your feelings.. It's called the WIN Technique...
When you (insert action)
I feel (express YOUR feeling)
I need you to (express your request)

Also, never hold expectations, because you are setting yourself up for disaster.  Only hold your own expectations of yourself.

Since I left my last relationship, I have been much more clear-minded, happy, not completely financially stable, but I'm taking it one day at a time.  I played a lot of music on the streets to let go with love.  Even though I couldn't love this person the way he needed to be loved, I brought the love I had for him everywhere I went.  This was my way of coping and it proved successful for my SELF and my needs.  I also met some very amazing people last summer that I am truly grateful to have been graced with their presence and their amazing light and advice.I'm doing things that are feel good, learning how to meditate, and sharing my experiences with others that need the support.  Don't ever feel you are alone, because you aren't.

Much love and light to you all in "cyber-land",

Andrea
oo

PS...Some great books to help you along that proved useful would be:
In The Meantime-Finding Yourself and The Love You Want by Iyanla Vanzant
Self Matters Companion (2 books-red and gold) by Dr. Phil, hard work if you are up to the challenge and honest about your feelings and life......

Cheers

My Space Travels- Part 1- Orbiting Planet Earth

This is a short form story of my life to raise awareness and also to provide a sense of hope to all those who have lived through and experienced generations of alcoholism/drug abuse in their families.  I write this with honesty, love and also courage for those in the world who are also and/or have felt the same.

Many people grow up feeling alone in their thoughts or feeling like there's a big elephant lurking in their family livingrooms.  Watching their parents, siblings suffer from alcoholism and not understanding that it is a disease.  Many people that see this growing up feel that they are the reasons why their parents, loved ones drank.  This is not the case under any circumstances.  

Most people drink to let loose, to escape from insecurities, to escape from reality, the excuses can continue on....I can honestly say I am not perfect in any sense and I feel I have gone around the Earth (seeing family alcholism and repeating the same as my parent, generations...) and also circling around the dark side of the Moon (seeking help for co-dependency because I loved someone so much I was trying to fix them and lost my SELF in the process).  I have been on many ups and downs.  

I have been sober for over a year, I have been sober from chemical drugs for over 12-13 years, and I have been pot free for over 2 months, becoming a more authentic ME.   

With that said, I recently took part in an Al-Anon based 12 day Family Program for Co-Dependency.  I am here to share my experience with you, but before I can, you must know how I came to this point and how and what I've done to continue on my journey through this awesome life.

I was born in a mining town, northern Ontario.  Like the good old Stompin' Tom song goes, "the girls are out to Bingo and the guys are getting stinko", a motto for most industry workers, as generations pass from one to the next. I'm sure my forefathers were alcoholics, then the parents became alcoholics and the kids become worse with drugs and alcohol.  It's a vicious cycle.   My parents divorced when I was very young.  I saw lots of drinking growing up after that. Most of the time, I was left alone, to fend for myself while my parent was out drinking.  Sometimes, they would bring me to a family restaurant while they drank.  At the time, being so young, it seemed normal, right? Shirley Temples were awesome.  This continued on, over the years, up until about almost 2 years ago with this parent. They have quit now and are rebuilding their love for life and making amends. I'm proud.  I can recount the many times that I felt alone, or hiding behind my teddy bears because I couldn't bear the sound of my parent being hung over, hugging the almighty throne.  This is probably WHY to this day, I cannot stand people vomiting or the sound of it. I grew up being the nerd, the one people picked on, the loser. I never had many friends but always seemed to find my independence through all the loneliness. 

I was 17 when I lost my grandfather, it was shortly before I went to college.  He was my rock, I really looked up to him. I was about to enroll in the graphics design program because I really enjoyed art. I went on a downward spiral, using exstacy, pot, shrooms, crystal. This went on for about a year, every weekend, partying in 1999-2000.  By 2001, I had quit doing drugs.  The thing that led me to quit is hearing about a dear friend almost dying from their experience and I wondered to myself, "what the hell am I doing?"....really, who was I fooling? My parents were worried and I was lying to them, I was getting skinny, I was a mess.  This was the first time I hit a low point.  I had dropped out of college, my grades were showing how much partying was important, I was financially unstable and I made many mistakes in relationships and bad decisions putting my life in danger.  I quit cold turkey.  It was hard to distance myself from EVERYONE I knew, even my best friend.  This is the only way you can get better, is to distance yourself from the situations that drags you down the spiral.  I still smoked pot after that but at least I was off the rest of everything.  

I moved a lot, just as much as my age. I'm 31, if you can put that into perspective, that's insane.  I ask myself now, "what the hell was I running from?"...the hard answer? myself!   

I quit drinking over a year ago because I started realizing that my drinking was not helping my relationship (enabling behavior) at the time and I saw that their drinking was self-abusive, manipulative.  I made poor choices within this relationship as well.  I felt my life was unmanageable and that I was done with the "shitshow", so to speak.

This is when I decided that change was needed.  I started attending Al-Anon meetings to understand myself, and how my drinking was affecting my life, how drinking affected my family growing up, and how to help myself. I will talk about this all in Part 2- Coming Around The Darkside of the Moon.  

It's hard to write an "in a nutshell" version when I can write a 5 book novel on my whole entire life thus far.  

I never attended AA, but for anyone that is interested in quitting drinking, there's programs worldwide with amazing support if you are up to a challenge to experience a better quality of life.  All you need to do is do a google search for your area and you will find the answers you are looking for.  Know that you are not alone, many people suffer the same and it's amazing how much we can relate to other's experiences.  

I understand now how alcoholism is a disease, caused by an internal factor (depression, lack of self confidence, etc) and the drink/drugs is the external release.  

I am a people watcher and it's amazing even after one drink how a person can change.  Don't believe me? Stay sober one night while the rest of your friends drink and you will see for yourself that you won't want to be around them, you may even feel slightly annoyed.  So, I asked myself..How did I look after a few beers, shots etc?  Like a f**n fool. hah.  I'll spare you the embarrassing stories, I'm sure we all have our own.  I also ask myself WHY I drank?  My answer is because I didn't have confidence, or I was depressed and didn't know that I can simply talk to someone or that I can choose to pay my bills instead of drinking a case of beer.  

If you quit drinking, you'll notice how many people really support you and those who were just around because you were a drop off place to have a beer.  That's ok, keep the support close and the bad ones far away, at least for the meantime. 

I quit pot almost 2 months ago and I feel amazing with only cigarettes to quit (which is coming real soon).  I'm taking it one day at a time, one moment at a time, really smelling the roses. 

My part two, I will talk about co-dependency and how to become a stronger person when you are involved in a relationship with someone under the influence, or family alcoholism.  I wished I knew about all the support a long time ago, but it's never too late to get started.  

With much love and light,

Andrea

Going Back To Art

Art has always been a strength, even as a child.  Over the last while, I've been feeling rather depressed and then, something clicked in me.  "Why am I not drawing?", I asked myself.  I love music, and I figure I can create my own interpretation of a song in the ways of artwork. I started sketching out a few songs that I absolutely love and I am fascinated by the idea.  I cannot wait to afford a few canvases and start painting these ideas already sketched out.  Furthermore, as a kudos to the artists that move me with their music, I would love to get some prints made off of the paintings and send it their way.  

I have some brainstorming to do, but I know I can actually create awesomeness with my creative mind.  Music/poetry is something I love, but I have a real hard time trying to piece together melodies and musical structures to my lyrics.   So, what better than to go back to "my roots" and paint again.  

If anyone is reading my blog, I'm open to any of your favorite, positive song suggestions.. Keep in mind, I do pick apart the lyrics to visualize the meanings of the songs.  I want to only use positive songs because there is way too much negative in the world today.  Lets create love.

Love and light and beauty

Andrea

Great Minds Think Alike

Life sometimes throws you lemons so you make lemonade, the best way you know how.  

Let me explain..

Alcoholism has been one of the main contributing factors to the destruction of what some would call a "normal life" within my family.  I voted to break this chain, even as a young child.  

With the background understood, I quit drinking over a year ago willingly to help others around me see some "light" in their lives. I started attending an Al-Anon Program for my own support.  I became so much more aware of the hardships surrounding me, whether within my immediate circle, or in society in general.  

Over the course of the summer, I decided to play guitar and sing on the streets on my spare time to re-install a sense of community, arts and love.  All of this was done "case-closed" for the love of it.  My intentions were not to make money. I guess it would be considered an act of kindness in some ways. Many hugs were given and also received. Most of the time, I'd play on Friday and Saturday nights when people were making their way out to the bars.  I would usually bring an extra guitar, sometimes my djembe so others can also participate.  I was beginning to notice how people loved the concept. Some couldn't understand how I can do it all sober.  I say it's power of will and want,  for the love of music and to help others heal. 

So, with that said, I would love to extend the idea out to the world, and to see how we can create a project based around street music with no expectation of monetary returns.

Furthermore, it would be amazing to have musicians worldwide who believe in peace to play peaceful songs on Remembrance Day.  This year, I spent a lot of time in my hometown talking to veterans about their views on war then and now.  I have always felt that we cannot fight for peace, but we must be peaceful.  I hope that we can all join together and get something going to work for this cause.  I feel it's a beautiful concept.  

Please feel free to leave your comments below. 

The Art of Reading Earl on The Greyest of Blue Skies

The skies seem to be revealing the mood set for the day; Paynes grey.  There is a stillness about Northern Ontario winters that brings out the worst out of people.  I hear the sounding alarms of police cars, heavily footed drivers honking their horns only to get to their next destination 2 minutes earlier.  One would say that it can be hard to maintain a sense of positivism during these winter months.

Today marks the day of birth of a woman with a story; mom.  To honor this day, I thought it would be a neat idea to give her a tea leaf reading.  We used an Earl Grey tea (my favorite for it's fragrance and taste).  Her reading was notably parallel with her current life situations and self discoveries, so it was wonderful to see she's on the "right track" so to speak.

I've always been sort of a clairvoyant, a truth seeker, explorer.  So, I decided to do my own reading, all which was based on a meditated question.  I asked about a certain love and light.  My answers certainly didn't surprise me neither. The near future shows a lover (horse), with strength (branch).  My ultimate answer showed that I have a secret energy (pelican), that everything is good (dove), that I will have good fortune (sheep) yet to watch out for the owls (gossipers), but that I see through the facade and essentially see the truth of the matter (eyeglasses).

With that said, I will not light the sky with a flare but send a smoke signal with the fire lit in my heart for this awesome person that caught my eyes and ears over 13 years ago.

Tonight, I watch the news and take note of the very mild temperatures for the next few days.  This excites me because I am a nature nut, a lover of the wild.  I may just find myself building a lean-to sometime over the next few nights and escaping to the wilderness where I can find my true Self, accompanied by my doggie Roxy, camera, a pad of paper to write music and poetry and a sketchbook for my artistic itch.  My passions and purpose.

Much love,
Keep smiling,
Love life.

Andrea Lynn